The double stroller might as well come with a flashing neon sign: The twins are here! Come and Gawk!
I've been collecting references to questions and comments that irritate, confound, or anger the parents or prospective parents of multiples. Included are some of the responses that the parents have either used, or wish they had used. If I missed your favorite, then drop me a note and I'll include it in the list. (Subject to my own personnal version of censorship. ie no blatent profanity, etc)
Last Updated: Tuesday, December 02, 1997
Aren't you glad it's not seven?
(In reference to the McCaugh Septuplets)
I wish it was only seven. I have 8. I left the other 6 at home.
No, seven would be OK, I'm just glad it's not 23.
We couldn't handle 7. Heck I barely survived having sex twice in one night just to have these two.
If I had 5 dollars for everytime I've heard that statement I would be able to afford a VAN, a HOUSE .........
Hey, with seven you get free land, free house, free van, free diapers, free food, free college educations. With two you get double the bills.
Are they Twins? (while looking at the babies)
No, they were just born at the same time.
No, they just look a lot alike.
No, they're monkeys.
One is a twin, and one isn't.
Yes they are.
"Oh, I didn't realize we had twins in the area." (A proposed California Law will require the parents of twins to put a 4 ft. high by 6 ft. wide sign in the front yard, warning the neighbors of the presence of twins in the area.)
How many are there? (My husband and I are each holding a baby)
They can't be twins, they aren't dressed alike.
Oh, how lucky and blessed you are!
Yes, I am really lucky.
Response: I hope I don't get lucky and blessed!
Twins? What are they?
$5100 in tax deductions.
Are they identical?
If fraternal Boy/Girl...
Yes. (followed by rolling your eyes and walking away)
Yes, until we change their diapers.
They used to be, but they're getting over it.
Not below the waist!
No, but they have identical parents.
No, they are half sisters.
We're not sure yet.
Are they Siamese?
No, we left the cats at home.
Can you tell them apart?
Sure, the girl is an inch longer than the boy.
How do you tell them apart?
We don't worry about it, we figure that since they're identical, one is as good as the other.
We used to paint thier names on the bottom of their feet. But since that kept wearing off, we weighed them and found out that the boy is a pound heavier than the girl.
We call the Psychic HotLine and they can tell us.
Parents can always tell. At least that's what we delude ourselves into believing.
We're not sure yet.
They LOOK different!
It's easy, they have different names.
I don't know who is who, but I love them the same.
How do you KNOW they are twins?
I gave birth to them.
They aren't twins. They were born 3 months apart (its a scientific miracle)
No, they are not twins. One was born by my wife. The other by my girlfriend. Go figure - everyone gets along so well.
Oh, your husband is babysitting your twins? -or- (to Daddy with kids) You're babysitting today?
My husband does *NOT* "babysit" our children! When he watches them, he is parenting, just as I am parenting when I watch them.
No, Babysitters get paid. I do this because I love to.
Babysitting is when you watch somebody else's kids!
No, I'm taking care of my OWN children!
(to Pregnant Mother) My goodness you're getting big. -or- You're so huge! -or- You're bigger than you were last week!
You know what, all this weight puts me in a weight class above you and I could kick your butt if I wanted to, so don't pi** me off!
Since I'm pregnant and have all these raging hormones, I'd have an air-tight defense if I killed you, and I probably wouldn't even go to trial!
As if I am supposed to get smaller??? This is pregnancy, not Jenny Craig!
"You really have a great figure for triplets".
What's that supposed to mean? Is it good, period, or is it only acceptable when considering the fact that I gave birth to "triplets"?
How were your babies conceived?
Sex. Lots and Lots of Sex.
How did you conceive yours?
it was buy one, get one free day
I ate a lot of broccoli.
(look both ways, lean forward, and whisper in their ear) "Turkey Baster"
Did you have help conceiving them?
no, my hubby just threw his pants on the bed....
Yes, but we promised them that we would keep their names out of the paper.
I heard you are having twins. I don't know whether to offer my congratulations or my
Congratulations would be prefered.
Congratulations for the twins, and condolences for the loss of your common sense.
Wow, Double Trouble (while first noticing the twins)
Nope, Double the smiles, hugs, laughs, and joy.
They are Angels. Why were your children trouble?
Double the Pleasure, Double the Fun, with the Doublemint Twins.
I don't know how you manage
Like we have a choice?
We manage just fine.
I don't know how you can call yourself a real parent, raising only one at a time.
We're not wimps, like all those parents of singles.
Do twins run in your family?
They are only 20 weeks old, they can't even sit up yet.
They do now!
Yes, they run up the stairs and down the halls!
First time blessing.
These two do!
How did you end up conceiving twins?
We had sex twice in one night
I ate a lot of Brocolli
You must have had those two very close together
Yes, try two minutes.
Were you taking fertilily drugs?
If you'll forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking.
We'd like to take your daughters home with us.
You don't need to. My wife and I made them at home. You and your wife can make some, too!
Which one's the trouble-maker? / Who's the smarter? / etc
(from the twins themselves)(while pointing to each other) SHE IS!
Boy, I'm glad that happened to you and not me.
We're glad it happened to us, and not you, also.
Oh! An instant family!
No, it took nine months, just like singles do.
Which one came first?
Oh, you can tell just by looking at her.
Twins! You sure must have your hands full!
Yes, we sure do, but better full than empty.
Yes, but not as full as our hearts.
I had a lady stop me to look at the girls and was amazed that they were
drinking their bottles at the same time!
This lady should come to our house at 6pm and be totally
dumbfounded to see the whole family eating at the same time!
Stranger: Are they paternal or maternal?
Parents:The terms were "identical" and "fraternal"
Stranger: (Patiently explaining) Maternal, means they look identical because they have the same father. Paternal twins, don't look alike because they may or may not have the same father. They're just two babies born at the same time."
From Tina, on the twins mailing list:
We were leaving my brothers wedding reception, and my son (who was wearing a tuxedo, and is 6), and my daughters (who were dressed alike, and are 4) were trailing behind. Well, someone driving by rolled down there window, and said "Siamese triplets"? My dh just chuckled, and said "Yes, they are"! The man driving just shook his head as if saying "I thought so", and then drove off.
An elderly woman asked if they were 2 girls and a boy (our boys all have longer hair) and when Jurgen said, "No, 3 boys". The woman replied "WHAT A WASTE! They are too good-looking to be boys"
Can you believe that? I don't know how I would have reacted, but DH just smiled at her and said that he doesn't think so and that the girls will love it."
While walking out of a local restaurant one evening. My daughter was walking in front of me, while I carried the twins in thier car seats. My wife was two steps behind us and stopped to pay the bill. This woman standing near the door took a long look at the twins, then at us and then nudged the man standing next to her and muttered "Now that is really sad."
I was so stunned I didn't know how to respond. (and for me to be speachless really takes some doing). I just turned and kept walking. Almost afraid to respond at all. For fear that it would be inappropriate.
In retrospect, I should have said "No, the sad thing is that you will NEVER know how happy we really are."
A good general response to any rude or idiotic question while you are still pregnant is provided by Mary Foley.
What will always work to shut these folks up is to grab your abdomen, flash a pained expression on your face and "oh my, that was a big one." They become so concerned you will give birth in their store, checkout line, house, apartment, etc.... they forget to be rude. They'll just want to get you outta there